


You were all I've ever known.

by hollywoodnocturne



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Alzheimer's Disease, Bittersweet Ending, Love at First Sight, M/M, Memory Loss, Other, i think, idek if he's dead or alive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-05-31 12:26:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15119393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollywoodnocturne/pseuds/hollywoodnocturne
Summary: Jason met Tim at a skate park, they like each other, they went to a beach for a first date where they kiss for the first time under the most wonderful sunset Jason ever saw.Where Jason forgets things progressively and only retain his fondest and beloved memories until he forgets about Tim and himself.I dreamt this once and it broke my heart.





	You were all I've ever known.

 

Jason was moving through the crowd with his bike at his side, trying to find a place to sit and watch the show, he found a nook against a wall, leaned his bicycle against the edge and climbed to sit down, almost touching the guy at his side; the crowd was numerous and noisy, the guys down below were doing flips and tricks and making Jason’s blood rush in excitement.

The guy next to him looked up and smiled, he was sitting on a skateboard, too pale even for Jersey skaters, his hair was falling from a tiny ponytail and his bangs were slightly brushing his cheeks, his eyes were clear, and his frame was the typical average skater dude with lean torso, thin arms and long pretty legs.

The guy was staring ahead, whooping after one of the guys that Jason recognized as Roy pedaled at top speed towards the vertical dish and right at the top landed a 360 a little too hard but successfully nonetheless; the whole crowd cheered, and Roy slowed down a bit waving his truck hat, freeing his long carroty hair and smiling happily. Everyone clapped.

\- Jason – said Jason extending his hand.

\- Tim – Tim smiled some more and held Jason’s hand for a second longer than necessary, giving him a once over and nodding with approval causing Jason’s breathe to stop.

\- You in here with that instead of a bike?

\- I’m a rebel? – Tim winked and let Jason’s hand fall –. And I’m not that bad at the pipes with this baby, bet you I can kick your ass over the stairs.

\- Ye think so?

\- Bet you a date if I’m not reading this wrong, if I’m getting it wrong then you can punch me in the face.

\- And ruin that pretty face of yours? Nah, a date is fine and I got y’a better bet, we ditch the manly display of talent and skip right away to the date after Roy kicks the pretty circus boy ass over there.

\- I doubt truck hat can beat Dick.

\- Circus guy’s name’s Dick? – Jason laughed and laughed, and laughed so hard he almost fell over the edge over his bike, Tim tried to stop him and slid off his skateboard toppling over Jason and both burst into giggles.

\- Better than Richie, I guess – Tim said after they had composed themselves.

\- Man, Circus boy is never gonna see the end of this. I’m gonna put tiny dick stickers over his bike next Monday.

\- You know him?

\- Yeah, we’re both at Rutgers. Got a class in common in my first year.

\- You’re in college?

\- Yeah… Oh man, how old are you?

\- Sixteen.

\- Shit, barely.

\- How old are you?

\- Twenty.

\- Then now that is solved, you got somewhere in mind or what?

\- Not really, something will pop up.

 

Jason was walking by the shore, slowly pushing his bike and laughing with Tim brushing his side. The wind was blowing a cool breeze from the ocean, the salty smell somehow dull, the sky was pink and purple, the sun was orange, the sea was dark and the clouds at the edges of his sight were pale pink and gray; it was one of the most beautiful sunsets Jason has ever seen at Egg Harbor.

Tim was laughing and telling a story about Dick, who turned out to be his brother, from when he was in highschool and Tim caught a picture of him with his pants ripped right at the butt after trying to impress some girls. Jason was half paying attention, Tim noticed and step little closer, getting on his tip toes and sneaking an arm around Jason’s torso to then kiss him softly. Jason hummed and opened his mouth getting too into it that he let his bike fall, breaking the moment.

 

Next thing Jason knew he was in a nice room, with some bookcases at his right, a wide sofa with his whole family sitting there, someone was holding his hand at his left and there was someone sitting on a loveseat, the curtain of the window at his back moved with the breeze and filled the room with salty air of the sea mixed with the smell of coffee from the mugs at the center table.

He turned to his side and Tim was there, smiling fondly and looking at him as if contemplating a marvelous work of art. Jason pulled him into his side and leant his head over Tim’s, smelling the hair products, faint cologne and toasted coffee grounds that used to accompany Tim. He felt so loved and so in love he couldn’t speak. There was a conversation going around but he just couldn’t get a single word out, the only thing he could pinpoint was the owner of the voice at the time, like his father figure saying something, then his big bother figure, Dick, saying something else in return, then the woman on the loveseat and everyone else.

\- Jason? – Tim called him, there was a question but Jason couldn’t remember what it was so he just tipped Tim’s face up and kissed him and everything felt fine and perfect and in place and he was oh so happy he could cry.

 

Jason was walking through the crowd near a skate park, he couldn’t recognize the faces, he went to lean his bike against a nook on the wall, between the other parked bikes. He sat, feeling the warm pavement heated by the sun from earlier, there was someone sitting beside him and everyone else was cheering and clapping and yelling for something that was happening down at the main dish. The person beside him made him feel safe and warm, he turn to face black bangs falling over pale white skin, cold blue eyes and a smile that made him gasp and feel hot and vibrant inside.

Jason was walking looking at the sunset, the most beautiful sunset he ever saw at Egg Harbor, the purple sky right at dusk with the orange setting sun, the gold sparkling ocean, the soft grey and pink clouds at the edges of his vision, the last warm sun beams before twilight. But the best thing was the person at his side, holding his hand and kissing him as the sun went down.

 

The room was all wood, the bookcases had some books but Jason didn’t pay any attention to them, there was a woman sitting in front of him with a child on her lap, a happy brunette girl with black hair and red bows, with a black dress and red shoes. The girl was beautiful and so happy to see him, she was stretching toward him and her tiny pretty face was making him feel overwhelmed and Tim was saying something while he hanged from his left arm and smiled at everyone.

He knew the girl, it was Tim’s daughter, the woman he couldn’t care to even think of her name was the biological mother and friend of Tim. The child was still trying to get into his arms and Jason was having a difficult time trying to get away from Tim to pick his daughter. He noticed the curtain blowing and the smell of raspberries and his daughter’s shampoo aroma filling the room, along with the coffee grounds and cologne Tim always wore.

Jason knew what was happening, the woman was leaving, she was gonna live her life somewhere else and she have come to say goodbye to what she helped create. Her daughter was so beautiful, like Tim, they were the most wonderful beings Jason ever saw. He felt so giddy and at peace just seeing the tiny girl sitting there, smelling the salt water from the ocean, coffee and raspberries, everything under the warm yellow light illuminating the room.

 

Jason was enjoying the walk down the beach, his gazed focused towards the sunset, the sun going down slowly, the dark water of the ocean getting brighter with golden spots, the wind blowing carrying the smell of salt and wet, the clouds darker at the borders, pale in the middle and soft pink et the edges, the deep blue sky going through purple hues and the yellow sun turning orange as he walked forward.

He felt serene and so at peace, the warm presence at his side felt right, felt like it belonged with him and he knew he could never forget this moment, this feeling of rightness and wonder.

 

Jason was sitting at a somewhat familiar room, there was a large sofa in front of him, bookcases against a wall, a loveseat at his right with an familiar woman he couldn’t remember the name of, the curtain of the window behind him was blowing and the faint voices he could hear having a chat reached his ears but he didn’t understand what they were saying.

\- Shut up guys – said Tim looking around the room, Tim was sitting at his left, with his hands over his and smiling with so much love and affection. Tim was wearing a dark suit and it’s been a while so he knew the girl has grown up, Tim look older but felt so right. Jason couldn’t help but smile at him with all the love and adoration he could conjure and Tim reciprocate with wide shiny blue eyes filled with wonder and faith and Jason felt so loved and amazed to have him, to see his dark hair, his pale skin, to feel his hands on his.

The chatter died down, Jason lifted his glance to see the empty couches, Tim was laughing at something, at someone in front of him but there was no one. The curtain blew behind him.

 

\- Jason – said a woman to his right, dressed in dark, looking benignly at him with her legs crossed. He knew her but not her name, he was familiar with her but couldn’t place how.

He looked at his left expecting something but found nothing, he didn’t know what was supposed to be there. There was a mirror in the far left of that place, he stood up and walked toward it, avoiding obstacles in the middle of his way. He saw himself, a tall figure in dark and the bright light coming from behind, from the window.

 

There was something calling him, like whispers firm and soft but the light was warm and he went to it.

 

There was no sound.

He was standing at the edge of a cliff, just looking at the most wonderful sight, purple pink sky at dusk, orange and yellow light, the wind blowing, it was the most beautiful and wonderful sunset he ever saw, he wanted to stay there forever, just there where peace surrounded him, where he felt good and whole, where the sky was shining a warm lovely light over him, where he could see the most wonderful sight…

There was no wind.

Everything was still.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hate long author's notes but I have to say this:
> 
> I dreamt this a few weeks ago and woke up with tears running down my face. When I sat over my morning coffee I started to remember some ‘dream knowledge’ where I was the doctor sitting beside him, where I was a friend sitting beside him and Tim, where I knew Jason couldn’t see anyone we didn’t remember so the room was getting empty as the dream went back and forth from the skate park (Patmos park in case you wonder), to the beach (right at Egg Harbor, NJ in case you were also wondering) and to the room of what at first I thought it was a studio but then I realize Jason was always sat in a bed so it was his room.
> 
> When I tried to tell my sister about it I broke up in tears, just remembering how painful it was to see the hope in Tim’s face when Jason was lucid and how I could phantom see the rest of the batfam in the room hoping Jason could recognize one of them, how the daughter of both Tim and Jason was crying when her father didn’t see her and how devastated was Tim when Jason couldn’t see him anymore.
> 
> I don’t know what the last part mean, where he is just standing there over what should be a beach but it’s only a cliff, no sight of the ocean, no sight of the clouds or anything beside the sun light and the hue of the sky. I didn’t want to think he had died so I pushed that away but now that I finished putting down the dream to words I wonder if maybe the sunset scene was a sort of metaphor of how much memories Jason still had, of how much of himself he lost – if we compare the first part filled with details to the last still frame – of how much time he had left. I don’t know, it was so heartbreaking. The idea of getting old and forgetting things has always scared so that’s a good reason for my nightmare. The dreadful knowledge that you’re losing yourself without noticing, that in the end there’s just this person that’s no longer you, it terrifies me.
> 
> Days later I saw the video of the guy that took his mom to eat ice cream and she couldn’t remember him anymore and well, yeah, you have no idea how much I cried.
> 
> I just know Jason had probably Alzheimer, I have no idea how that works beside what I’ve been told by friends and tv so my apologies if it’s totally wrong, it was a dream, my brain came up with that. I know Jason got it young, again I don’t know if that’s possible. I know his family loved him unconditionally and that it pain them to sit there hoping Jason could see them.
> 
> The only nice thought I had after waking up was that Jason held the most important memories, the moment where he met Tim and where they kissed for the first time as the most wonderful thing that ever happened and retained the sunset as an analogy of his happiness.
> 
> It makes me cry again, remembering the feelings of that dream, the despair and pain I felt even when I was just a spectator, and it’s weird every time I’m an spectator of my own dreams things tragic happen and I can’t deal with the emotion and the dooming certain I’m never dreaming that again and it feels wrong to write it and give it a good end…
> 
> I’m rambling, I apologize. I hope you have like it and if you’re in a situation where one of your family members is diagnosed with Alzheimer, even if it’s meaningless, you got my total support, me love and my care. One of my dearest friend’s grandma was diagnosed and she takes care of her and when I finally gained enough trust, to consider ourselves friends, she told me what it’s like and she broke down so I know it drains you, that it pains you physically and mentally and that it frustrates you and even angers you when someone you love start to forget themselves and change their behavior and doing things ‘wrong’ and they confuse your name, they forget you… So, this whole paragraph is just to say that you’re not alone and that you’re brave and I admire you so much.
> 
> Finally, thanks to the lovely lovely StormRebel for checking up the grammar, suggestions, quick response and stuff :3


End file.
